Kirkepiscatoid

This morning, as I rolled over, put on my glasses, and checked my smart phone, I was reminded of something I told our diocesan communicator Beth Felice:  "The smart phone is the new cigarette."

One of the things I do during Advent is to make room to be playful...because sometimes in play, our realities are revealed.  So, with great apologies to Merle Travis and Tex Williams and "Smoke that Cigarette" I present "Check, Check that smart phone..."

Now I'm a person with a heart of gold
And a most generous person I've been told
Wouldn't kick a dog or even harm a flea

But I believe I could break every bone

Of the inventor of the digital phone

Oh, I'd murder that son-of-a-gun in the first degree


It ain't cuz I don't have one too

And I reckon that goes for both me n' you

It's a part of the modern world that we must own


But cell phone slaves are all the same

At a pettin' party or a poker game

Everything's gotta stop while they check their dang smartphone


Check that smart phone one more time

Check that smart phone 'till you make yourself go blind

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate

That you hate to make him wait

But you just gotta check your smart phone one more time


Now in a game of chance the other night

Old Dame Fortune was a-doin' me right

The kings and the queens just kept on comin' round

And I got a full and I bet 'em high

But my bluff didn't work on a certain guy

He just kept on raisin' and layin' that money down

Now he'd raise me and I'd raise him

I sweated blood, gotta sink or swim

He finally called and didn't even twitch or moan

So I said "aces full Pops how 'bout you?"

He said "I'll tell you in a minute or two

But right now, I gotta check this picture on my phone"


Check that smart phone one more time

Check that smart phone 'till you make yourself go blind

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate

That you hate to make him wait

But you just gotta check your smart phone one more time


The other night I had a date

With the awesomest person in the United States

All high-bred, uptown, mannered as could be

The night went on and seemed to me

That things were 'bout like they oughta be

Progressin' well, as far as I could see

It was clear we both had broken the ice

And our smoochin' party was goin' nice

So help me y'all, I believe I'ze almost home

But then after a kiss and a little squeeze

And I heard, "uh, hang on, excuse me please

I just got a Facebook message on my phone"

Check that smart phone one more time

Check that smart phone 'till you make yourself go blind

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate

That you hate to make him wait

But you just gotta check your smart phone one more time