Well, y'all, I am off to Iowa City today to spend a little of my vacation time helping do some cleanup under the auspices of the Episcopal Diocese of Iowa.
It started a few months ago, when B. at our church made an announcement about the severe spring flooding in Iowa and how it had affected her friends, and she asked for our prayers and our donations. I was so struck by the passion of her request, it sort of boiled in my brain for months.
I hope to be able to blog while there but if not, I'll give you all a rundown upon my return. Should be interesting and just a little adventurous!
This week's Gospel was Matthew's "Jesus walks on water, Peter gives it a go, doesn't fare terribly well." Wallace geared his sermon towards the fact this story occurs on the "fourth watch" (3-6 a.m.) and how a lot of the tumult, the stress, the worry in our life seems to hit us at 3 a.m.
The whole “sea, wind, tumult” thing was working on me today. All the talk about boats and waves and oceans and singing about peril on the see made me think of my “ocean of pasture” here in NE Missouri...with wind and thunderstorms and waving hay and green skies and hail, and oh, yeah...tornadoes. When I was sitting outside last night, enjoying the stars and the occasional meteor (after all, it IS the season for the Perseids...I have never outgrown the Perseids!), it was mostly calm, and then the wind picked up and made the leaves on my cottonwood tree rattle and hiss. You could feel the power of an incoming front. I sat out in it a while, even zipped in the house to put on a long sleeved shirt and grab a blanket so I could still sit outside in the reclining lawn chair and be in the middle of it and feel its power.
I can often totally identify with Peter. Every time I take one of those "What Disciple are you?" tests, I always score out as Peter. My friends have heard me say many times, “If you want me to (fill lin the blank), just say so, and I will.” Shades of “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water”! Then Peter gets distracted by the wind and loses his focus on Jesus. Well, I can identify with THAT, too...that things can distract me and cause me to lose my focus on Christ. But Peter, being a guy that doesn't mince words, as he sinks, he doesn’t know much else to do except say “Lord, save me!” (Kyrie elaison). Hey, Peter is a heartfelt and direct kind of guy! No sense having any pretense about what is going on, he’s going to be pulled under in the storm and he’s a direct enough kind of guy to cut to the chase there! Like Peter, I know enough to just cut straight to the chase and admit I’m in over my head.
Fact of the matter is, though, that in our stormy sea of the cares of the world, it is so tempting to think, “Oh, Lord, the sea is so big and my boat is so small.” Well, hell, it IS big sometimes. Even if it’s not that big, it can FEEL big...and lonesome. But just like Peter blurting out “Lord, save me!”, God is there to pluck us out. Now that doesn’t mean we won’t be wet after this whole encounter. I have a feeling the part they don’t talk about in that story is that Peter felt a little like the proverbial drowned rat even after Jesus pulled him up....probably had a little water in his lungs from the stormy blasts of the waves, he’s soaked, he feels like I did the time I almost drowned when I got caught in a rip tide and an undertow out in Baja California, Mexico when I was thirteen. I was always a strong swimmer, but was out swimming probably just a little further than I ought to have been (I was out where the surfers were starting to surf in from,) and that stupid current just took me with it. Two surfers chased me down and caught me. I was in good enough shape to sit spraddle legged on one of their surfboards and ride back in, but I will never forget the feeling of helplessness as I felt my strength failing and was starting to be unable to keep my head above water, or the embarrassment that I had to be plucked out of the water.
One of the surfer dudes was trying to make me feel a little better, saying, “Kid, any of us can get caught in a rip tide if you’re out this far. You just had never experienced it and didn’t realize the thing to do was let go, not fight it. Next time, just let it take you till it dies out further out. You just have further back to swim, that’s all.”
Now there’s a concept...let go, don’t fight.
That is NOT an easy concept for me. 95% of where I got in this old world, I had to fight to get there. Letting go seems 180 degrees against my intuition at best, and just plain “wrong” at worst.
I’m reminded of a story my friend A. tells. He was the doc for the 101st Airborne in Vietnam. That meant he had to do jumps, same as Airborne, as part of his training. They were teaching him a trick where if you need to drop altitude in a short burst to get away from everyone else’s canopy, you can do this by maneuvering the chute a little. The problem is that you will literally free fall 30-50 feet when you do this maneuver...but sooner or later your chute WILL catch air and pull you back up to a normal descent. He said the first time he did this maneuver, his life literally flashed before him, it was that scary, to be free falling and realize you potentially could go “splat” at the end of this free falling. But he said, “I had to trust my instructor, and trust what he told me and sure enough, I didn’t panic and my chute caught air again and everything was cool.” It takes some doing to be ok with free falling in this world, yet knowing at some level that God will catch you and your chute will catch air again. Some of us can never do it. Some of us can. Personally, I’d rather be like Peter, swing my leg over that ol’ boat and say, “Lord, just tell me and I’ll do it!” even if the possibility exists for me to be afraid. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right????
Ok, another secret...I am a Book of Common Prayer junkie. I like collecting them from all over the world, different versions over history, etc. There are always parts of every version that I like to inscribe in my heart. For instance, in the Eucharistic Prayer in the 1661, I really dig the line:
"Let us pray for the whole state of Christ's Church militant here in earth." (I like the idea of church being militant, revolutionary, etc.)
But post-Lambeth, it was the prayer in the Church of Ireland's BCP for Christian unity that got to me...
FOR CHRISTIAN UNITY
O God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our only Saviour, the Prince
of Peace; Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great dangers we are
in by our unhappy divisions. Take away all hatred and prejudice, and
whatsoever else may hinder us from godly union and concord: that, as
there is but one Body, and one Spirit, and one hope of our calling, one
Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of us all, so we may
henceforth be all of one heart, and of one soul, united in one holy bond
of truth and peace, of faith and charity, and may with one mind and one
mouth glorify thee; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
I like the line, "Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions."
Note that it's not that "they" are in. It's "we". As Pogo says, "We have met the enemy and they is us."
There is a lesson in here for me, although I continue to struggle and pray that people finally "get" the concept of "the inclusive church." This struggle puts me in danger if I do not continue to cross-check my heart. I could let it eat me alive with anger and sarcasm. I can't just get mad. I have to pray, and I have to live in a way that models inclusivity. That is not always easy! It is hard for me to feel inclusive about haughty people, mean people (I really need one of those bumper stickers that says "mean people suck"), indecisive nebbish-y sort of people, people who whine, clingy people, people who can't seem to get off their fat ass and change their life...you get the drift. Being inclusive to GLBT folks is easy for me compared to being inclusive to people with what I consider "dis-likeable traits". But you know what, exclusive behavior stops us from seeing the light of God in people, and if I am going to expect people who find inclusivity to GLBT folks difficult to change their perspective, I have to improve on my own habits of exclusivity.
If I cannot learn to be inclusive to those groups of people, then all my posturing about the inclusivity of GLBT people is for naught. It's all for social conscience and show.
This week, I think I am going to give more attention to praying to change these behaviors of exclusivity in myself and see what pops up. But if I am serious about the inclusive Church, I have to be serious about the exclusive parts of me.
Well, ok, so the story doesn't exactly go like that, but when I hear this story, I confess I always think of my friend C. When he was "between wives", as they say, he used to be the world's most pathetic bachelor. He once invited me over with what I still think is the most lame but truthful invitation I've ever heard.... to "come fix me some supper and let me keep the leftovers...I'm lonesome AND hungry..." (GEE! What a deal!) I remember opening his fridge and seeing a half empty carton of leftover Chinese food, a stick of butter, a bottle of hot sauce, and a can of beer. I remember thinking, "And what the hell was I supposed to fix this supper WITH??????"
Well, and the inside of C.'s fridge is what always comes to mind when I hear the story of feeding the multitude. I think the disciples, when Jesus asked for their food, all looked at each other with what I can only describe as the "WTF?" look..."He wants us to feed all of THEM...with THIS????"
Well, and in my mind, the miracle of this story was not "magic." I don't believe Jesus did a special magic trick to make this happen. Personally, I believe the crowed ponied up in a way not totally understood.
Ok, imagine the first row at this so-called "feed". They are looking at the five loaves and two fishes and thinking, "Is that Jesus dude crazy? He can't possibly feed all these people with THAT..." So when the food comes by, a couple guys in the front row whisper to each other...
"Psst...hey, you got a stash of food?"
"Yeah, I got a dried fish and a heel of bread."
"Throw it in. I have some dry beef. I'll put that in."
Then someone in the row behind them sees the goings on...
"Hey, Moishe, that asshole Yitzak up there just gave a dried fish! I'm better than that joker, I'll put all THREE of my loaves in, just because I won't be shown up by that mumzer!"
Well, and you get the drift. For whatever reason, good or bad, suddenly the pokes and stashes of this hungry crowd began to open, and by the time it's all over, there's food to spare.
I am sure some people will argue with my version of this miracle, and might even consider it blasphemous, but I really don't care. I think my version is every bit as miraculous, because it illustrates just how powerful the miracles you and I can produce by giving of ourselves are. Jesus doing a magic trick with bread and fishes doesn't teach me that.
The key part of this story is this: The disciples gave all they had, and trusted Christ, even when there was no reason to trust him, and no evidence that what they were giving wasn't the most foolish thing they ever did, and they reaped a bounty because of it. Can I be brave enough to give all I have to Christ and trust against the odds? Can I avoid the trap of thinking my meager collection of loaves and fishes are "not enough"? Can I live outside the realm of what I absolutely know to be true? Can I be prepared to accept the bounty of this way of life with gratitude, or will I need to figuratively "throw a rock" at it? Good questions for all of us!
Ok, sorry about the "non-inclusive language" but I didn't write the quiz, ok? You’re St. Jerome! You’re a passionate Christian, fiercely devoted to Jesus Christ and his Church. You are willing to labor long hours in the Lord’s vineyard, and you have little patience with those who are less willing or able to work as you do. Your passions often carry you into temptation zones of wrath, lust, and pride. Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!
Turns out, after taking the Quiz, I am....
Many thanks to Robert of Musings of an Episcopal Padre for this link...
Looks like MadPriest is back up and running. Turns out that Blogger had some issues for several blogs over the last few days, not his. Well, I'm glad he's back in the blogosphere, for one!
Over on Wounded Bird, Mimi posts the following:
OCICBW... got attacked by a particularly vicious troll last night. It was so bad I had to close down the comments overnight.
He seems to have got his revenge by reporting me as a spam blog to Blogger and they have blocked my blog. I have asked for reinstatement but it's taking up to a week to sort out at the moment.
Would you please notify people of this on your blog and tell them to put it on their blogs. I don't want them thinking I've done a runner or been disappeared by the Church Police.
Jonathan
I have no idea how to contact Blogger to request they flog the Troll, not Jonathan. The help page...well...isn't. But I'm willing to hear suggestions....
