Kirkepiscatoid

Isaiah 40:21-31:

²¹Have you not known? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? ²²It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to live in; ²³who brings princes to naught, and makes the rulers of the earth as nothing. ²⁴Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown, scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth, when he blows upon them, and they wither, and the tempest carries them off like stubble. ²⁵To whom then will you compare me, or who is my equal? says the Holy One. ²⁶Lift up your eyes on high and see: Who created these? He who brings out their host and numbers them, calling them all by name; because he is great in strength, mighty in power, not one is missing.

²⁷Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”? ²⁸Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. ²⁹He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. ³⁰Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; ³¹but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Mark 1:29-39:

²⁹As soon as they left the synagogue, they entered the house of Simon and Andrew, with James and John. ³⁰Now Simon’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they told him about her at once. ³¹He came and took her by the hand and lifted her up. Then the fever left her, and she began to serve them.

³²That evening, at sundown, they brought to him all who were sick or possessed with demons. ³³And the whole city was gathered around the door. ³⁴And he cured many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him. ³⁵In the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed. ³⁶And Simon and his companions hunted for him. ³⁷When they found him, they said to him, “Everyone is searching for you.” ³⁸He answered, “Let us go on to the neighboring towns, so that I may proclaim the message there also; for that is what I came out to do.” ³⁹And he went throughout Galilee, proclaiming the message in their synagogues and casting out demons.

Ok, let me get the annoying part of the Gospel reading for this week out of the way. Peter’s mother-in-law has a fever. Jesus heals her and what’s the first friggin’ thing she does? She gets up and plays house for all the boys. How lame is that? I have this feeling that all over America, in churches who use the RCL, every XX chromosomed person in the sanctuary was either rolling her eyes, grunting, snorting, or giggling.

That’s kind of schmucky on Peter’s part. He ought to be going, “Here, let me fix YOU dinner.” Shades of when my dad used to sit on his butt in the recliner and yell, “Woman, fix me a sandwich!” Sigh. I suppose you could get away with that one better in the 1960's (Word to the wise, fellows: The command “Woman, fix me a sandwich!” these days, more than likely, will result in a sandwich suppository.)

And really, when you think about it, I don’t see where Peter’s mother-in-law would be all that thrilled about her son-in-law gallivanting all over East Cupcake and leaving the family at home to fend for themselves. But the Gospels don’t seem to address THAT one! I can see it now: “Simon Peter, you worthless sonofabitch! When are you going to stop farting around and come home and take care of things! I don’t care if he IS the Messiah, I should have never let my daughter marry you, you vagabond piece of shit no good fisherman who doesn’t even fish! Now, Moishe the butcher, if I had let my daughter marry HIM, HE would have taken care of us!”

Now that I’ve gotten my pet peeve out of the way for the readings....

Isaiah 40 is in my mind, the most powerful chapter in the OT. It’s one of the most beautiful and poetic, and I loved it dearly even in my “lone wolf Christian” days. I have read that one many times, from stem to stern, and I am still in love with that chapter. It speaks of the awesomeness of God, nature, and ourselves all in one swoop. It was a comfort to me in a time I could hardly be comforted. I discovered that chapter when I was a teenager, and it has served me well.

The problem is, of course, God’s ways are even more bumfuzzling at times.

But I’ll tell you about what stuck in my brain today:

“Everyone is searching for you.”

You know, you can't blame the disciples from going to find him. After all,there were all these people still wanting to be healed.


Kirkepiscatoid's opinion: I think when the disciples said, “Everyone was searching for you,” Jesus was thinking “everyone’s pokin’ at me.”

I know that feeling of "everyone's pokin' at me." All of a sudden this group of people has an expectation for you that you do not want to be doing forever, and you are sort of stuck because their expectations are pretty defined.

This story is from early in Jesus’ ministry. One-on-one healing with Peter’s mother-in-law, no problem. But then all these people show up and he heals a bunch of them...and they just keep coming.

If I were Jesus, I would think all these people showing up would feel a little overwhelming. Jesus is just coming into his own, he’s just coming to grips with all these things he is discovering about who he is and what he is meant to do. He’s thinking, “I know I have these talents...but this is not what I’m about. I can’t just stay here and keep healing people day after day, because yeah, I can do these things but THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. Hell, I’m still not totally sure who I am, really, but I know this ain’t it. I’m not some revival tent healer. I don’t want to do this all the time, in one place.”

So what does he do? He goes out “in the dark, in a deserted place.” (Hmmmmm. Kind of like how I go off and sit in the dark, or by my chiminea when I'm pent up or troubled.)

Jesus is probably thinking, “For cryin’ out loud. I’m a CARPENTER. I have no right to be a healer. Why do the rules have to be different for me? Everyone’s pokin’ at me, telling me all these things about me that I’m not entirely convinced that I am. But I know God wants something for me, and I sorta understand this, but not quite.”

But I honestly think part of this was that he felt pretty overwhelmed about it. He felt overwhelmed in a way all of us feel now and then. It can certainly drive any of us to despair.

I was thinking the other day about the explosion of stores closing in the area. A lot of these are in fairly new buildings. People don't have money to shop. I got to thinking, "Who holds the notes on these mortgages? Banks, obviously. All it would take in this country to spin us into a Depression that would be the equal and then some of the one my grandparents experienced, would be for a few more major banks to crump.

Then another sobering memory of when my lategrandparents used to talk about the Depression popped in my head. My grandparents remember when banks failed--one of the first things that happened when the banks failed was that "they started callin' in the notes." Maybe if you were fortunate, you would be able to have enough assets to at least agree on how many cents on the dollar you could get a break. Of course, most people didn't have the money to negotiate this. they just LOST their houses, their stores, their gas stations.

How can we see Isaiah-style beauty in all of this? Not easy. But I am wondering if we're going to have to live in Babylon for a while. Most people do not know how to live without credit. Spurring the economy by "buying stuff" with credit cards and buying things made elsewhere while jobs are scarce here is just a smoke screen. I about fell over when I saw a recent article that sort of chided people b/c they were SAVING money instead of spending it. I am convinced it will get worse instead of better. A lot of people will be living one paycheck from disaster.

Will this be an opportunity to turn to God? It could be. I do not wish hard times on any one. But sometimes, (and this has been true of me at certain times of my life), we turn to God when "that's all we have left." Easier access to credit and an abundance of cheap stuff has deluded some people into thinking they still had something left. But if that is what happens, the Church has to stand ready to be a support system. When we argue about which way the hymn books should be in the pew, and whether we should keep the sacristy door open or closed when the church is idle, or who goes to the rail and who doesn't, or who is the "real" church and who is not, it sort of screams "not ready." Are we ready to be lifted up and healed ourselves in the tragedies of others if this financial crises worsens? It remains to be seen.

Ok, it all started when I saw what the new Wal-Mart logo looked like....

Which immediately took me back to the first Kurt Vonnegut novel I ever read in my teenaged years, "Breakfast of Champions,"....


I have never seen asterisks quite the same ever again.

Well, this week has been interesting following my favorite blogs. It kind of started over at +Clumber's place when one of the more famous names in the "orthodite right" had said a few things about his interpretation of Scripture as it pertains to certain forms of sexual behavior. This led to a four part essay over at Jawbones, and another well thought post on the topic over at In a Godward Direction. I found both of these very insightful.

But when I read about what is going on over at the Primate's meeting, and see other news articles and blog posts that some of the primates can't even all have their picture taken together nor share the Eucharist as a group, it troubles me greatly...and as a passionately opinionated person, I'm afraid my first thought has a lot to do with "Vonnegut asterisks." It irritates me to no end that here I am, having enough trouble of my own simply praying for certain segments of this group of Primates and their followers, and the Primates themselves can't even agree on worship and photographs! What's a person trying one's damndest at praying for "Vonnegut asterisks" to do?

There is no doubt, this frustration drives parts of my prayer life to distraction sometimes. Having lived vicariously through the "coming out" experiences of three people close to me, their lives changed my attitude about committed same-sex relationships forever. The catch-22 of "We disapprove of your promiscuous lifestyle and the deceit that may result, but we won't let you enjoy all the rights of an openly committed relationship in the eyes of God and the law," is an impossible dilemma. Society is taking at least baby steps in this regard. Yet Christianity seems, at times, to be backpedaling.

What puzzles me is much of this fight is not over "sin" per se, but interpretation of isolated passages of Scripture.

I always think of the inside joke between me and my priest over Leviticus 21:10:

“The priest who is exalted above his fellows on whose head the anointing oil as been consecrated to wear the vestments, shall not dishevel his hair, or tear his vestments.”

When I acolyte, first thing my priest does after the recessional is throw off his chasuble and hand it to me, then musses and "un-musses" his hair. Leviticus 21:10 is a running joke with us, and I feign fear and josh about the lightning bolt that is sure to zap him and possibly me as an innocent bystander!

Yet if we treat this passage in the same manner as some do the passages that have led to this rift, by that definition I should be making phone calls to the Bishop.

The conversation, in my mind, needs to shift from finger-pointing about sin to talking about the uniformity in which we interpret Scripture. Granted, I am absolutely convinced of my interpretation of these passages, as those who are my polar opposites on that are just as convinced of their interpretation. We simply will not agree. But we should at least be able to share at the Eucharistic table. My family has its share of Vonnegut asterisks. But at least we can seem to "make nice" at the important stuff. I remember my own graduation from medical school. We were two years post experiencing an acrimonious divorce between my parents. But on my desk is a picture of all of the relatives who could attend, in the same picture. "Who stood next to each other" was surprising in a positive way. They went back to fighting like cats and dogs after Graduation Day, but I saw a miracle for 24 hours. So I am not asking for anything from the body of Anglicanism that didn't happen in my own family.

Society evolves. A hundred and fifty years ago some were using Scripture to justify slavery. The Episcopal Church at that time found a way to at least "coexist, uneasily." We would consider Biblical justification of slavery unacceptable and out of date now. A hundred and fifty years from now, we will have debates over other passages as society changes. For all the animosity passed back and forth, I have this overall sense that we are arguing about a blip on the radar screen of the evolution of Christian thought. We are faced with trying to figure the meaning of events thousands of years ago, in a society mostly foreign to us, in a way that continues to have meaning. We are trying to interpret the pressures of an ancient society and their need to worship God in light of a society with totally different pressures. In my own personal faith, it has meant slowly learning to not need a scientific or historical answer for everything. Many of you have watched me struggle aloud on words like "resurrection," "transfiguration," and "ascension." I have had to learn it's not about the "how", it's about the "why."

It seems to me that in order to disagree in a productive fashion, we have to all at least agree to leave all of us to our own beliefs to a large degree. Honestly, that favors a more inclusive body. There's no disagreement when a group of people are excluded--only oppression.

If you've been following the news, you might have heard about the flap the "Atheist ads" a lot of the London buses are sporting. Well, a lot of my bloggy friends have been playing with the "Atheist bus sign generator" on Rule the Web. I finally got around to making my bus sign. Here 'tis!

(Oh, if your screen doesn't have great resolution, it says, "Live as if this is all there is. Chances are, it's the mindfulness God wants anyway.")

It's all Elizabeth Kaeton's fault for posting this.

It immediately kicked in my "song lyrics muse." I am not kidding; I whacked this out in FOUR MINUTES. Is this my brush with divine inspiration?

Here's to you, Bishop Robinson (with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

And here's to you, Bishop Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know. (whoa whoa whoa)
God bless you, please Bishop Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, hey

We'd like to know a little bit about your for our files
We'd like to help you learn to damn yourself.
Look around you all you see are schismatic Anglo-eyes,
They can't believe God thinks that you are loved.

And here's to you, Bishop Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know. (whoa whoa whoa)
God bless you, please, Bishop Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey.

Your fame has got your face upon the Daily Show.
Gold star in your tiara, that's for sure.
It's a little secret that you kick schismatic butt.
You represent inclusive love, a thing they fear.

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Bishop Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know. (whoa whoa whoa)
God bless you, please, Bishop Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

Sitting on a sofa on a Monday afternoon.
Hit the remote to HBO.
Laugh about it, shout about it
When he does not appear
Every way you look at this kicks rear.

Where have you gone, Queen Eliz'beth I,
Our communion turns its prayer book page to you. (woo woo woo)
What's that you say, Bishop Robinson.
Her Majesty has left and gone away,
Hey hey hey.

(Yes, Elizabeth, I know. Spend the $35 with the copyright office.)

Ok, I woke up this morning thinking about how dogs’ relationships with us are not that far from our relationships with the divine.

It started as part of my New Year’s resolution to “get to know the Book of Common Prayer better.” Well, I thought an easy starting point was just to read all the prayers and collects and hear the poetry of them and think about the deeper parts of that poetry.

Last night, I was reading the prayer “for knowledge of God’s creation” (p.827, BCP) and there was this line in it, “Grant that, as we probe the mysteries of your creation, we may come to know you more truly...” So I must have slept on that somewhat.

So, this morning as I am letting the dogs out and bringing them back in and making “dog breakfast,” and drinking coffee, I got to thinking about the “morality of dogs” and how communing with humans is their way of “stepping beyond just the simple rules of their society’s morality.”

Dog morality is pretty simple:

1. Eat and drink when you’re hungry or thirsty.
2. Sleep when you’re sleepy.
3. Mate when your pheremones and some other dog’s pheremones say that is a good thing to do.
4. Companion with other dogs to the extent the other dogs don’t interfere with the other three, or benefit you (hunting in packs would be a good example of this.)

Where dogs step “out of the box” and go beyond themselves is in their companionship with people. Sure, people feed them and give them comfort, but that is not all of the relationship. They enter in a relationship that both pleases them, and pleases us. They don’t simply come up to you to be fed. They come up to be petted and played with even when they are not hungry. They do not understand our ways. I think about how I can’t sit on the floor and read the newspaper b/c little Eddie sits on it and stares at me, or my friends N.&R.'s dog Darby watching the other dogs on TV, or when Mr. Boomer just comes up and puts his chin on the couch and stares up at me lovingly. I think about this guy in Macon who lived alone with his dog and when he died and the dog was given to someone else, he would now and then run off and go to the cemetery and sit at the guy’s grave even though he did not see that he was buried there.

But something in a dog brain millions of years ago clicked and said, “there is a benefit beyond your morality for this relationship beyond your basic biological needs.”

So, to me, in that sense, what dogs do with us, is very similar to what we are trying to do in our relationship with God—go beyond just simply “our morality” into something bigger and not well understood with the brains we have, but we know that it pleases us, and we at least sense it pleases God. Whoa! That is a huge thought!

As humans evolved the first thing they figured out is they need rules as a society. But as humans developed higher thought, they realized there was some sort of benefit beyond their biology and physiology to have a relationship with this unseen entity we call God. This relationship (well, if you’re not a fundamentalist, anyway) does not directly benefit “enforcing the rules, per se” (although it certainly can be used in that regard) but at least, to me, is simply a sense that I want to be loved and petted by this entity, and my doing the things that make up my “spiritual discipline” give me the sense I am being “petted” and it pleases me, as well as it giving me the sense it pleases God. Sure, I could be doing it simply b/c I am trying to "obey the rules as I understand them," but with so many denominational versions and dissent about "the rules" that can't possibly be the only reason.

Now, I don’t understand this entity any more than little Eddie understands what reading the newspaper is. I’m sure he looks at me and wonders how looking at a piece of paper makes me laugh, or grumble or react. But he knows it gets in the way of him being petted! Well, that is true with us and God, too. There are lots of times we are more or less “obeying the rules” but there is that little niggling that something “isn’t right” with us, and we derive comfort from just the simple act of getting the Sacrament, or hey, reading p.827 of the BCP! We discover that by engaging in the things my priest repeatedly refers to as "the disciplines of our faith", with no thought at all to outcome or no intent to "make us feel better," we become deepened and challenged in this relationship.

So I am convinced that understanding my dogs is a secret window to understanding some things divine. How many other secret windows are out there, d’ya suppose?

One of my (numerous) hobbies is making "liturgical jewelry." With Lent less than a month away, I kind of experimented with making some bracelets and ankle bracelets and an "everyday necklace" in various purples and some gray gemstone beads.

I kind of joke that I tend to be "Kabballistic" with the numbers of beads that make up the patterns. I like to work in patterns of 3, 9, 18, and 36 since they have significance in Hebrew numerology. the smaller beads in the necklace in the picture are 20 on each side, total40, for the 40 days of Lent. One of the bracelets in the picture has six purple beads--for the 6 Sundays in Lent.

It's a relaxing hobby and in some ways, I think, a form of prayer, because I am being mindful about the numbers that make up the patterns. I really enjoy wearing the things I make and they make up 99% of my "everyday" jewelry. I pay attention to the liturgical calendar, so I can use colors that fit the liturgical seasons. I have a tendency to borrow from other cultures (especially the southwestern U.S.) to think up designs. But it's fun.

What I like best about the stuff I wear is it keeps me connected to the church seasons and the numbers that make up the stuff of Scripture.

anyway, enjoy the pics!

I love Indexed. Jessica is so creative. It does, however, bring up one of my more sordid confessions. I am not above dumpster diving. (Remember, I am into simplicity.) I will drive by a dumpster, see something sticking out, and have to investigate. Yes, I can afford to buy it. But that's not the point. I don't want to contribute to the throwaway culture. People throw out perfectly good tools, stereos, etc. in the dumpster, just because they don't like them, or a knob fell off, or who knows why. Maybe it belonged to the ex and they threw it in the dumpster "just because."

In fact, I laugh about my "recruitment incentive" during my second interview for my job in Kirksville. JML, the mutual longtime friend of both Episcogranny and me, saw me during my second interview and said, "You know, it's spring cleanup week. Let's go cruise College Park (a well-established "good" neighborhood in Kirksville) and see what people put out to be tossed. I need a bed frame for A. (her younger child.)"

So there we were, riding around the more "swell" neighborhoods in my pickup truck, checking out the curbsides. I am sure the powers that be did not consider this the normal physician recruitment method. But it was perfect for me, b/c it brought back memories of my college days when JML and I did the exact same thing! Spring cleanup in Kirksville is probably more of a giant swap meet than it is a true spring cleanup.

But I'll be honest, taking things out of the dumpster is probably a sign of something deeper in me. One of the greatest joys in my life is "renewing, re-using, and rejoicing" over something that someone else threw away, that works just fine for me. It is why I actually enjoy working with students in academic trouble. It is why the bulk of my dogs have been "pound dogs" or "give-away dogs." It is a Psalm 118 moment for me, using a "cornerstone that the builders rejected" towards something good.

Most importantly, though, it is a reminder of my own salvation. I have had to struggle with feelings of rejection and abandonment all my life. Those feelings cut me incredibly deeply--more than it might appear on my surface, because my surface appears tough and resiliant for the most part. For me, the simple act of "rejoicing in the salvation of a perfectly good snow shovel in the dumpster" affirms my own salvation. It tells me God always thinks I am worth picking out of the trash, in fact he might have hand-picked me out of the trash now and then!