Kirkepiscatoid

(Triptych detail, Rogier Van der Weyden 1445, from The Edge of the Enclosure)

They went to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be distressed and agitated. And he said to them, "I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake."
 
And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. He said, "Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want."
 
He came and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep awake one hour? Keep awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." 

And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. And once more he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy; and they did not know what to say to him. He came a third time and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Enough! The hour has come; the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand."

Mark 14:32:42

Out of the depths of this heavy dark night, Lord, I cry out to you.

I cry out from a netherworld between today and tomorrow—between late night and wee morning.

I cannot sleep. I tried, but the fear awakened me. I feel a burial cloth on my face.

I do not know what tomorrow brings, Lord, but it can’t be good.

My laptop is beside me; I reach for it and I open it. Its battery feels warm and comforting on my thighs.

I see one of my friends is still up. She is on call at the hospital. She just updated her status.

She has much on her mind, too—she lost a favorite patient in the night.

She’s happy I’m still up. We chat. We share. Our fingers race over the keyboard.

The glow of the screen cuts through the darkness—not just the dark in the room, but in my soul, too.

I will try again, Lord. I will try to sleep. I will try to let go of yesterday and let tomorrow be itself.

I can now lie down in peace, O God, because at least I know there is no “alone” in your presence.