Kirkepiscatoid

That it may please thee to give us a heart to love and fear
thee, and diligently to live after thy commandments,
We beseech thee to hear us, good Lord.

Well, I kind of like this one, because I can at least say, “I’m TRYIN’! I’m TRYIN!”

But that word “fear” always bugs me.

What I’ve discovered is I can live with it, when you find out about the original language. Two words often translated as “fear” in the Old Testament are “yirah” (awe, reverence, respect, devotion) and “guwr” (to stir up, to travel with, to dwell or remain with, or to stand in awe.)

I just wish whoever translated it into English had picked a better word.

I am not sure, really, how to approach this “heart” question in the context of “rules.” If I were judged only on the Decalogue, I would be in seriously deep doo-doo, as by my last count, I’ve broken 8.5 of them, and 1.5 out of a score of 10 is not exactly passing.

Al I can say is, when my heart feels connected to God, there are no rules. There are no boundaries. Or maybe it is because I am so focused on “wanting to do good” in those moments, the things where I have screwed up get so pushed to the background of my feelings of connectedness. The “rules” seem to take less precedence. When I am not feeling connected, the “rules” become my obsession, and then things like guilt and shame well up and try to wrestle for control. Which, in my case, leads to excessive obsessive-compulsive behavior.

I was thinking about my one experience in high school art with making pottery. I remember putting the glaze on this pitcher I made for my high school art class, when it was time to put glaze on it. The glaze didn’t look at all like the color I wanted it to be. I was pretty much not believing my pot was going to end up the right color even though the art teacher swore up and down it would be. So I was sloshing this glaze on my pitcher and thinking, “This is gonna be the wrong color. I KNOW it is.”

Imagine my sheepish surprise that when it came out of the kiln, it was EXACTLY the right color.

Maybe that is the deal with “rules” in the Bible, like the Decalogue. We try to be obedient of many of these rules. Sometimes, when I’m trying to be obedient to God’s law, it feels like putting a glaze on me that I am bound and determined will end up the wrong color. It won’t be “my” color. But when we are thrown into the kiln, that color is transformed into “our” color, and maybe even the shiniest, most beautiful variation of “our” color.

There is a certain amount of faith we have to possess when the “rules” just seem all wrong. My problem is I have a tendency to immediately knee-jerk dislike “being told what to do,” even if I am telling me what to do at times. But God, when I feel with him, never seems to tell me anything about “what to do,” something just sort of transforms my heart, more like that glaze was transformed on that pitcher. Laying on the glaze and trusting to “go into the kiln” it is more of an issue than “being glazed” is for me. Yet the color change doesn’t happen if you don’t willingly go into the furnace. Interesting thought!