Kirkepiscatoid

Ok, here it is, in all its glory, the gag gift I told you about...the ACME Sermon-writing kit...the perfect gift for your friends of the "collared ilk."

So...what all is in the kit?

1. Homilax--for when those unexpected moments of sermon constipation occur.
2. Homilettes--for when a full blown sermon is just too filling.
3. Homilube--for when you need to really drive those sticky theological points up the correct orifice.
4. Sermonagra--for stronger, more powerful sermons. It really "uplifts the fallen."
5. Sermo-Plast bandages--for when you need to patch a couple of old sermons together.
6. "Sermon words" refrigerator magnets--when you're brainstorming about that perfect phrase. (These can be customized. Just take any of the recipient's sermons, enlarge the type font, print on magnetic sheets, get out the scissors, and start cutting!)
7. The "Hear O Israel" parishioner ear-cleaning kit--designed to turn deaf congregational ears in a Godward direction. The kit comes with liturgically correct cleaning devices in Advent blue, Lenten purple, Easter white, and Ordinary Time green.