Random and not so random musings from a 5th generation NE Missourian who became a 1st generation Episcopalian. Let the good times roll!

There's no doubt. I've been Oscar the Grouch the last few days. For lack of more detail, let's just say I have gotten on a run of defining myself by my inadequacies. I have had a fair more number of "unknown quantities" in my life lately, most of which have the potential of impinging on my new-found discovery of needing "silent time" in my life. Another part of it is that I find myself having to "sit still" with a situation that I have only a limited amount of control over certain details and outcome. Still yet another part is that, because of the uncertainty, I have a decreased ability to readily commit to things I have historically been able to usually handle on short notice.

It's all frustrating. It's made me "armor up" in some ways. The problem, of course, is when I'm "armored up," it makes me go out and "pick fights." Things that normally don't bother me get under my skin. It gets me in my "is anybody botherin' to notice me?" mood. It puts a chip on my shoulder. I put myself in the impossible situation of desiring a little nurturing but not being able to really bring myself to be vulnerable.

So, I went off in the corner and did a little reading about St. Moses of Ethiopia. He was one of the early 1st century desert monks. One of his most famous quotes, when another monk came to him for advice, is “Go, and sit in your cell and your cell will teach you everything.”

He was a formerly violent person (in getting revenge on a shepherd, he killed four of the shepherd's finest rams, eating and selling the meat) but later became a hermit.

So, in a manner of speaking, this evening I've been sitting in "my cell," so to speak. St. Moses endured many prejudices because of his skin color, and even met his own end at the hand of robbers. So I imagine he had more reason to feel "slighted" than I do. In that light, I think I can get over being a grouch!


You might also look into St. Columba's history. There are those in the tradition who say that he left Ireland for missionary work in Scotland because he'd gotten entirely out of hand as a warrior monk.

Wiki has this on St. Columba:

"Tradition asserts that, sometime around 560, he became involved in a quarrel with Saint Finnian of Moville over a psalter. Columba copied the manuscript at the scriptorium under Saint Finnian, intending to keep the copy. Saint Finnian disputed his right to keep the copy. The dispute eventually led to the pitched Battle of Cúl Dreimhne in 561, during which many men were killed. A synod of clerics and scholars threatened to excommunicate him for these deaths, but St. Brendan of Birr spoke on his behalf with the result that he was allowed to go into exile instead. Columba suggested that he would work as a missionary in Scotland to help convert as many people as had been killed in the battle. He exiled himself from Ireland, to return only once again, several years later."

Evidently, he wasn't so keen on intellectual property rights, either!"



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Kirksville, Missouri, United States
I'm a longtime area resident of that quirky and wonderful place called Kirksville, MO and am wondering what God has hiding round the next corner in my life.

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