Kirkepiscatoid

Ok, some while back on Padre Mickey's blog, he had the two minute Passover Haggadah. A challenge was made in the comments section for a two minute Eucharistic Prayer...so here it is!

Congregation complaining about the length of church? Try…

The Two Minute Eucharistic Prayer (with apologies to Eucharistic Prayer A in the Book of Common Prayer)

Priest: The Lord be with you.
People: And also with you.

Priest: Lift up your hearts.
People: Ok.

Priest: Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
People: Sure thing!

Priest: It’s a good idea to do this, so with the angels and archangels and all, we say:

Everyone: Holy Holy Holy Lord,
You rock.
Heaven Rocks.
Jesus Rocks.

Priest: God, we’re a mess, but you sent us Jesus anyway, to reconcile ourselves to you. He got crucified, and it was a bum deal for him, but we’re grateful for it.

(grab bread)

Priest: On the night he was to be betrayed, he took bread and said, “Try it. You’ll like it. It’s my body. Really!”

(grab cup)

Priest: Then he took the cup and said, “Try this, too. It sounds really gross that this is my blood, but you’ll like that too, and it’ll forgive your sins and put hair on your chest.”

Priest: So, God, to that, we say:

Everyone: Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.

Priest: We celebrate our redemption, God, and we’re glad to offer you these gifts as a token of our appreciation. Sanctify them, sanctify us, make this stuff work inside of us, and at the last day, we’ll figure it all out then. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

And now, we boldly say:

Everyone: Ourfatherwhoartinheavenhallowedbethyname. Thykingdomcomethywillbedoneonearthasitisinheaven.
Giveusthisdayourdailybreadandforgiveusourtrespasses,
Asweforgivethosewhotrespassagainstus.
Andleadusnotintotemptationbutdeliverusfromevil.
Forthineisthekingdomandthepowerandthegloryforeverandever.
Amen.

(break priest wafer)

Priest: Woo Hoo! Christ our Passover has been sacrificed. Let’s eat!
(omit Woo Hoo during Lent.)

Everyone: Lamb of God, you rock.

Priest: Come and get it!

(congregation comes up and gets bread and wine.)