Kirkepiscatoid

Well, my "roll your own retreat" wasn't so bad. It was a relaxing day, but I will tell you it was a mentally taxing day all the same. I managed to write 11 reflections...some good, some bad. I'm going to upload a few of the better ones.

Here are the "wrap up" questions I wrote myself...

1. What have I learned from this experience?

I learned that there is actually plenty I can be thankful about and in that thankfulness, there is rejoicing…even if my rejoicing is being flip and funny at times. That IS part of my joy. That is how God made me.

I learned that doing this all day is like learning to be a trained athlete. I am not “in shape” for the amount of focus that a day long retreat takes. I need to train for this, I think…maybe have some half day experiences on days off, holidays, weekends, etc. then see if I can stretch my focus a little further. In a way, I feel like I ran my first 5k run, spiritually…could go the distance but could feel myself lagging at the end. Some of this is that I am a little attention-deficit disorder anyway.

I learned that I would not be afraid of another experience.

2. What was the BEST thing that happened today?

I liked just spending the day “hanging with God.” I have never done that in exactly this way. It was like we took a vacation or a road trip together. Sure I think ABOUT God on road trips or vacations, but not like I am trying to stay connected with him ALL the time.

3. What was the HARDEST thing about today?

Keeping focused later in the day. I found that I had to take more frequent breaks. I used my breaks in a variety of prayer…repetitive prayer, silent prayer, sometimes just sitting in the lawn chair and letting God n’ me “just be.” But I also discovered that was not just “down time”, that was also “recharging time.” There was actually a comfort and a pleasure in the recharging!

4. What do I know about the “joy” and “delight” of God’s kingdom that I didn’t know before?

I think mostly that, although I realize it is a little more elusive for me, it IS there. Some of it is a little disguised in my goofy brand of humor, but it is there. It is there in serious forms also. When I was writing the blurb where I thanked God in my own words for the 12 elements of praise in the psalm, I could feel tears welling up at times. It was a very real expression of my gratitude. It is a little like how I treat my better friends. I gig them. I tease them. I push their buttons sometimes just to watch them holler. Sometimes I even grump at them. But every once in a while, I look them in the eye with a very serious look and try to remind them how much they are truly loved by me (but I would hardly ever use the word “love.”) Those are the times my friends are a little amazed at the depth of who they are to me, because I did not seem “that serious.” I got to do that for God today. It was nice.

I think I have to learn to cultivate this part of me a little more. It does not grow well wild. This needs a little “tending” and “feeding” for it to do well.