Kirkepiscatoid: Why, yes, as a matter of fact I DO dumpster dive...

Why, yes, as a matter of fact I DO dumpster dive...

I love Indexed. Jessica is so creative. It does, however, bring up one of my more sordid confessions. I am not above dumpster diving. (Remember, I am into simplicity.) I will drive by a dumpster, see something sticking out, and have to investigate. Yes, I can afford to buy it. But that's not the point. I don't want to contribute to the throwaway culture. People throw out perfectly good tools, stereos, etc. in the dumpster, just because they don't like them, or a knob fell off, or who knows why. Maybe it belonged to the ex and they threw it in the dumpster "just because."

In fact, I laugh about my "recruitment incentive" during my second interview for my job in Kirksville. JML, the mutual longtime friend of both Episcogranny and me, saw me during my second interview and said, "You know, it's spring cleanup week. Let's go cruise College Park (a well-established "good" neighborhood in Kirksville) and see what people put out to be tossed. I need a bed frame for A. (her younger child.)"

So there we were, riding around the more "swell" neighborhoods in my pickup truck, checking out the curbsides. I am sure the powers that be did not consider this the normal physician recruitment method. But it was perfect for me, b/c it brought back memories of my college days when JML and I did the exact same thing! Spring cleanup in Kirksville is probably more of a giant swap meet than it is a true spring cleanup.

But I'll be honest, taking things out of the dumpster is probably a sign of something deeper in me. One of the greatest joys in my life is "renewing, re-using, and rejoicing" over something that someone else threw away, that works just fine for me. It is why I actually enjoy working with students in academic trouble. It is why the bulk of my dogs have been "pound dogs" or "give-away dogs." It is a Psalm 118 moment for me, using a "cornerstone that the builders rejected" towards something good.

Most importantly, though, it is a reminder of my own salvation. I have had to struggle with feelings of rejection and abandonment all my life. Those feelings cut me incredibly deeply--more than it might appear on my surface, because my surface appears tough and resiliant for the most part. For me, the simple act of "rejoicing in the salvation of a perfectly good snow shovel in the dumpster" affirms my own salvation. It tells me God always thinks I am worth picking out of the trash, in fact he might have hand-picked me out of the trash now and then!

2 comments:

Ruth Hull Chatlien said... January 27, 2009 at 8:07:00 PM CST: Your closing paragraph is so full of grace.
Anonymous said... January 29, 2009 at 5:18:00 PM CST: I agree with Ruth, but unlike her, I have trouble keeping my comments short and concise. Am delusional enough to think that I have something to say and that you might be interested in reading it -so I write on, and on, and on. Sorry. My only comfort is that reading is optional.

Anyway, I think the other paragraphs equally display the gifts of grace - a trinity of gifts.

You have the gift of introspection - the gift to fearlessly, honestly examine yourself - to search intensely for self-understanding, for your real nature, for your soul. This is rare. Most people prefer to create a "persona".

You have the gift of courage - are not afraid to share what you find in that introspection - can fearlessly expose your deepest feelings, your thoughts, your failings, your vulnerabilities, to others, to strangers.

And you have the gift of expression - can communicate your feelings, your fears, your beliefs, your spiritual insights in a clear, authentic way, free of cant - in a way that the reader, even a dolt like me, understands exactly what you mean, no matter how refined, how nebulous, now mystical the concept is - he feels what you feel, thinks what you think. This too is rare.

I wish I had a fraction of your courage or of your language skill. I cannot write about "deep" things without hiding behind a shield of humor - I feel safer if there is some doubt about whether I am being "serious" or just "fooling around" - actually strive to create that kind of ambiguity. So I admire you, Kirkepiscatoid, full of grace.

By the way, I can give personal testimony concerning your practice of Dumpster Diving, your curbside salvaging, having been, myself, once the trash alongside the road. As I remember it, you did not actually stop, just drove slowly alongside my bike, and with your window rolled down, asked if I wanted a ride back to town. It was raining - the dark thunderclouds were bringing on twilight quickly - lightning was flashing in the distance - my back tire was spinning a steady stream of cold, oily water onto my back - and I was miserable - but as kind as your offer was,I "manned up" and declined it. Thought at the time that you were just trying to save me from the rain, but after reading this entry, I am beginning to wonder whether it was not, rather, from the flames of hell. Am wondering also how my life might have been different if I had throw my bike in the back and hopped in, and sat there dripping on your front seat. Course Calvin might be right. Some trash is just destined for the landfill - it is not only the builder who rejects stones.