Kirkepiscatoid

Today’s readings question whether “encountering God” requires withdrawing from the world or immersing one’s self in it. She describes the story of Jesus’ travels and encounters in the Gospels as “creative immersion”. She says, “We must learn that life itself is of God, that the natural is sacred, and that an inward life and immersion in life are all of one piece.”

Reflection questions:

1. Do you consider yourself someone who withdraws from the world to encounter God or someone who engages the world to encounter God? Why?

I think I am am some of both. Historically more of the latter, but of late, understanding the value of the former a little better. But even my ability to engage the world to encounter God has a tad of apprehension. It is a little more like walking the edge of the pool repeatedly, jumping in, but getting out pretty quickly. Part of my journey has been to stay in the pool longer. Part of it is I jump in when no one is looking and get out before anyone shows up. I am trying to improve on that, too. In my “withdraw” mode, I am slowly learning the value of using this as a “recharging period” rather than a “hiding period.” My withdrawals, now, I think are more to gear me up to “send me out into the world in peace and grant me strength and courage to love and serve” God, to borrow from the Post-Communion Prayer!

2. What could you do to better integrate your “inward life and your immersion in life?”

This is slow going for me; I am a “compartmentalizer” by nature and by training. In my job, things all have to be given names—compound nevus, chronic cholecystitis, adenocarcinoma, etc. I like this part of my job b/c it fits my nature. I have always loved to sort and classify things since childhood, which is why my favorite books growing up were nature books about animals, plants, etc.--field guides. One of my favorite childhood memories is working in my grandpa’s shop. He had a route of pinball machines/jukeboxes/coin operated pool tables and later, video games, and he would often “give” me an old pinball machine that no longer worked, to tear apart. I loved sorting the screws, bumpers, etc. into piles. (He got the benefit or pre-sorted spare parts!)

So it is no secret that I have problems seeing in inward life and the things in which I immerse myself in life as “two separate things.” I have a problem with seeing peace in the middle of chaos, seeing God in the middle of distraction. I think it all boils down to that last part—learning to see God’s peace In the middle of distraction and chaos. Learning to first see it, then let the inward drive the outward, then let the outward feed the inward...sort of a “spiritual perpetual motion machine.” In my quiet times, I am trying to see this; in my outward times I am trying to stand still and look for the “peace in the center”. But it is a slow process b/c I have to fight my inward desire to compartmentalize!

3. Are you able to “see the world through God’s eyes?” If so, what does it look like? If not, what do you think is blinding you?

I think I can see it a little, but it is like how Paul describes it...”Through a glass, but darkly.” What glimpses I get are so radiant, so brilliant, I can’t look long. It feels a little like peeking under the tent at a tent revival. It took me a long time to accept the Bible for “what it is” vs. “the specific details of the stories.” I have talked many times that the “details” of things like the Resurrection, the Ascension, the Transfiguration can really bug me. I wanted a plausible scientific answer for the longest time, and I could not move my faith forward without one. But then one day, something happened, I’m not exactly sure what—but the details no longer mattered. I recognized that something was there in this story that was bigger than the details and I got the “heretical” thought that, “You know, I don’t give a rip about whether this stuff I don’t understand isn’t exactly true, the power of it is very real and therefore, the outcome is more important than the details.” It is like the day you realize the exact dermatopathic term for a given skin rash is not so important if the same steroid cream makes it better, same as if it were another specific rash in that category!

So, a lot of what blinds me to seeing the world through God’s eyes are my own obsessions, compulsions, etc. of “how the world is supposed to be and how God’s world is supposed to be.”